“Having hundreds of followers isn’t the same as having
someone to call when life gets hard.”
Back in 2020, I decided to cancel all of my social media. I was involved in two controversial events: the major splintering of the United Methodist Church and navigating the pandemic while pastoring a large congregation. The social media comments were full of flagrant disrespect, and media outlets reached out relentlessly for a statement. When I canceled those accounts, my teen daughter said, “Dad, you can’t delete Facebook! You have over 5000 friends!” I said, “Really? I don’t think I’d categorize most of those people as friends.” I had 5000 “friends,” but in those days I felt mostly alone.
We have hundreds of friends online, endless notifications, and more ways to communicate than ever before. So why do so many of us still feel alone? Have you ever picked up your phone just to pass the time, only to put it down feeling worse than you did before? You scroll through pictures of friends out together, couples enjoying life, and people sharing exciting news. Everyone seems busy, happy, and surrounded by people. And for a moment, you can’t help but wonder, “What am I missing?”
It’s an interesting reality. We live in a generation that can reach almost anyone in seconds, yet genuine connection sometimes feels harder to find than ever.
We know what people had for dinner, where they went on vacation, and what they’re doing this weekend. We keep up with people we haven’t spoken to in years. But how many of those people would we actually call when life gets difficult?
Somewhere along the way, we may have confused being connected with actually having a connection. And perhaps it’s time we started thinking about the difference.
Social media isn’t necessarily the problem. It can be a wonderful way to stay in touch, share experiences, and keep up with people we care about. The trouble begins when we start using it to measure our own lives. We’ve all been there. You see pictures from a gathering you weren’t invited to. Someone announces an engagement. Another friend gets a new job or moves into a beautiful apartment. Before you know it, you’re comparing your life to theirs.
You start wondering why your life doesn’t look quite as exciting or why everyone else seems to be moving forward while you’re standing still. But here’s what we often forget: we’re comparing our everyday lives to someone else’s best moments.
Social media doesn’t show the whole story. It doesn’t show the lonely evenings, the difficult conversations, the disappointments, or the prayers whispered when nobody else is around. We see the pictures people choose to share, not everything they’re going through.
God never intended for us to live our lives constantly measuring ourselves against others. Each of us has a different journey, and someone else’s timeline doesn’t determine the value of our own.
There’s a reason relationships matter so much. God created us for fellowship, friendship, and community.
In Genesis 2:18, God says, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” From the very beginning, we see that companionship is important. We need people to celebrate with, people to encourage us, and people who will stand beside us when life gets difficult. Think about the relationships throughout the Bible. David and Jonathan shared a friendship marked by loyalty. Ruth stood faithfully beside Naomi through an uncertain season. Jesus surrounded Himself with disciples, sharing meals, teaching, and walking through life with them.
Jesus demonstrated that relationships require more than simply being in the same room. They require love, patience, compassion, and a willingness to show up.
Hebrews 10:24–25 encourages believers to meet together and encourage one another. That message is especially important today. Being part of a Christian community means more than attending church on Sunday. It’s having people who pray with you, encourage your faith, check in when you’ve been absent, and remind you that you’re not facing life alone.
Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone isn’t offering advice or trying to fix their problems. It’s simply being there. One of the hardest parts of loneliness is feeling like we don’t matter.
We want to be included. We want to be remembered. We want someone to reach out first. We want to know that we’re important to the people around us.
Those feelings are normal. God created us for relationships, and wanting meaningful friendships isn’t a weakness. But we have to be careful not to let other people’s attention determine how we see ourselves. A missed invitation, an unanswered message, or a friendship that begins to fade can leave us questioning our value. We may start believing that if we were more interesting, more attractive, or more successful, people would want to spend time with us. That’s a dangerous place to find ourselves. Romans 8:38–39 reminds us that nothing can separate us from the love of God.
Our worth isn’t determined by how many people follow us, how often we’re invited somewhere, or how much attention we receive. Our identity is found in Christ. People may disappoint us. Friendships may change. Some relationships won’t last forever. But God’s love remains constant.
We don’t have to spend our lives trying to convince people that we’re worth knowing. God already knows us completely, and He loves us.
So how do we move beyond surface-level relationships and start building meaningful connections? It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it does require intentionality.
Put the phone down. When you’re spending time with friends or family, be present. Listen, ask questions, and enjoy the conversation. Not every moment needs to be photographed or shared online.
Reach out first. Don’t always wait for someone else to make the effort. Send the text. Invite someone to lunch. Check on a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. A simple message can make someone’s day.
Get involved in Christian community. Join a Bible study, young adult group, or church ministry. You may feel uncomfortable walking into a room where you don’t know anyone, but meaningful friendships often begin with one small conversation.
Be willing to be real. We spend so much time trying to make our lives look good that we sometimes forget it’s okay not to have everything figured out. Find people you trust and allow them to see the real you.
Make time for God. When loneliness creeps in, don’t feel like you have to fill every quiet moment with scrolling. Spend time in prayer and Scripture. Tell God how you’re feeling. You don’t have to pretend everything is okay when it isn’t.
Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s great, but what if I really don’t have anyone?”
Maybe you’ve moved to a new city and haven’t found your community. Maybe friendships have changed, or you’ve outgrown relationships that once meant everything to you. Possibly you attend church, go to work, and spend time around people but still feel like nobody truly knows you.
First, know that you’re not alone in feeling this way. Loneliness doesn’t mean you have weak faith. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, and it certainly doesn’t mean God has forgotten you. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.
I love that promise because it reminds us that God doesn’t turn away when we’re struggling. He draws near.
There may be seasons when finding genuine friendships takes longer than we expected. There may be times when we have to step outside our comfort zones and start over. That’s okay.
Keep showing up. Keep looking for meaningful relationships. Keep being willing to meet new people. And remember that your relationship with God is a foundation you can depend on, even when other parts of life feel uncertain.
You may not have found your people yet, but that doesn’t mean you won’t. I think we could all use a little less scrolling and a little more showing up for one another.
Let’s be the friends who check in. Let’s invite the person who might otherwise be left out. Let’s ask someone how they’re really doing and take the time to listen to the answer.
We never know what someone else may be going through. The person posting the happiest pictures might be the person who needs a friend the most.
Having hundreds of followers isn’t the same as having someone to call when life gets hard. Being included in every picture isn’t the same as feeling like you belong. And being constantly connected doesn’t mean we’re truly connecting.
The next time you find yourself scrolling, comparing, or wondering where you fit in, take a moment to look up. Reach out to someone. Start a conversation. Make time for the people God has placed in your life.
And if you know someone who seems a little quieter than usual, check on them. You might be surprised how much that simple gesture means.
You are known. You are loved. And you are never beyond the reach of God.
Remember that I love you~
In Christ,
James