God called Abraham a friend. In the Gospel of John, Jesus said, “I have called you friends.” Friendship is a big part of the Christian life.
After moving to Georgia two years ago, I began to think more deeply about friendships and relationships. Methodist pastors move around a lot, but I was blessed to remain in most places longer than average. Even so, it was always difficult to leave behind the true friendships we had formed.
When Natalie and I were first married, we were asked to babysit for a young couple who were going out of town for a few days. The little guy—I don’t even remember his name—was about seven or eight years old.
One night before he went to bed, I asked him how I could pray for him.
He looked a little sad and said, “I don’t have any friends at school. You can pray for that.”
I asked him how he was trying to make friends, and he said, “Well, my mom says you have to be a friend to have a friend.”
I never forgot that.
It’s an old saying, I think, but I had never heard it before, and it stuck with me.
I came across the following the other day, and I really liked it. It reminded me to be thankful for the friends who truly become lifelong friends. That doesn’t happen often, and as I get older, I value it more than ever.
What’s the Secret to Keeping a Friendship for a Lifetime?
Every few years, one of you becomes someone new.
One of us got married.
One of us got divorced.
One of us became a parent.
One of us moved away.
One of us lost ourselves for a while.
One of us found ourselves again.
Most people think friendships end because people change.
That’s not true.
People change. That’s what they’re supposed to do.
Friendships often end when we expect someone to stay who they were.
Some years, you speak every day. Some years, life gets in the way.
The friend you had at 25 isn’t the same friend you have at 35. Or 45. Or 55.
If you spend your life demanding the old version back, you may have lost that friend decades ago.
The strongest friendships aren’t built on staying the same. They’re built on making room for who each other becomes.
The friends who stay in our lives the longest aren’t the ones who never change. They’re the ones we keep getting to know.
Through the marriage. The divorce.
The parenting. The job loss. The heartbreak.
The reinvention. The confidence.
The losing themselves. And the finding themselves again.
Because friendship isn’t loving someone only for who they were. It’s loving them through every chapter of who they become.
I like that.
Knowing how to accept both growth—and even stagnation—in one another keeps life and love in a friendship. Because, well, that’s real life.
And isn’t that the kind of friend God is?
He loves us through the hard times, the easy times, and all the ups and downs of the human soul. He only asks us to love Him in return.
So, I’m trying harder to be a friend because, well, that’s the only way to have a friend.
In Christ,
James