Over the years, I’ve mentored many pastors and have been blessed by many pastors who have mentored me. From those who have mentored me, I’ve learned one thing about pastors: They go through more loss than most people will ever know about.
Everyone can see the pastor standing on the stage on Sunday. Not many people know what they go through. They can see them preach but may not know about the late nights spent preparing to preach that message. When my kids were in school, they used to complain when they had to write a term paper or a book report. I always told them, “Well, I have to do that every week!” Of course, they probably didn’t appreciate it then, but now, as adults, I think they understand what I meant.
The congregation may see the smiles but not know about the tears that preceded them. They see pastors pray for others but may not know about those times when the pastor needs prayer.
Please hear this: Ministry is beautiful. There is no better feeling than helping someone through some of the most significant times of their life. Joyful times. Sad times. Prayers answered. Times when there isn’t certainty. Babies born. Marriages. Burials. Breakthroughs. And times when there’s nothing else left to hang on to besides your faith.
Ministry can be costly as well. It will cost you friendships that will never be the same. Some people will walk away from you. There will be words that hurt more than you know, expectations you’ll never be able to meet, and disappointments you’ll never preach about. At times, you are the one who needs encouragement, but you’re used to giving it to others.
What I have found, though, is that God knows when to send a friend with a text, phone call, card, or a simple, “I care about you and your family. I’m praying for you.” To some, this may mean nothing, but to the pastor who is going through a rough time, it can mean the world. It can remind them why they chose ministry in the first place and that they’re doing something meaningful.
If you notice your pastor has changed—maybe they’re not talking as much as normal or they seem more tired or withdrawn—there could be something going on that you’re unaware of. They may have lost someone or been disappointed by someone. Maybe they’re going through something and trying to allow God to heal that area of their life.
You may never know what your pastor is going through, but know that you can love them during that time. Pray for your pastor. Encourage your pastor. Take time to ask them how they’re doing, and when they tell you, leave room for them to be truthful with you. Let them know they don’t have to know everything. They don’t have to fix every problem or always have a positive attitude. There should be someone who ministers to your pastor as well. Remember, they’re human just like you.
I’ve had very few situations where I was treated unfairly or poorly. I’ve served some salt-of-the-earth people—but once in a while, I run into a little pepper! But even those people have taught me something. They weren’t malicious but maybe lacked wisdom or empathy.
Please also hear this: I was a District Superintendent at one time and supervised more than 100 pastors. I know firsthand that pastors can also be difficult, and pastors can also hurt people. I’ve probably done that myself over the years, though it was always unintentional.
As a community of faith and followers of Jesus, we must have immeasurable mercy and unconditional love for people, even when it hurts. Those are the very times when God can do miracles in a congregation and among people who are in relationship.
As Pastor Appreciation Month comes up in the next few weeks, I always like to encourage people to reach out and encourage their pastor. It may sound self-serving, but it’s not, because I have an abundance of support and love from parishioners, staff, friends, and family. But I have dear friends who are pastors who live and work in difficult ministry situations. Very often, a pastor has nowhere to turn to talk.
So when that one person comes to them in a very genuine way and wants nothing more than to encourage them, I can tell you it means the world—and just may keep a pastor from resigning on Monday morning!
They have a life outside of the pulpit that they are navigating. Pastors are shepherds. But pastors are also sheep who have the same struggles all humans have.
Whatever pastor has come to your mind as you’ve read this, give them a call or drop them a note this week.
And this is important: If you’re struggling with something about your pastor, don’t write an email, letter, or text. Talk with him or her directly about it. Open communication is one of the greatest healers we have, and we use it very little.
Real relationships will sometimes have conflict. It’s okay. Christians need to be honest with one another. Most pastors can talk with you without becoming defensive. Some of my greatest lessons have come from a church member honestly and kindly sharing a blind spot or difficulty with me.
If you’ve read this far, thank you! As the Church models health for the world, God will use it to bring us closer to one another and closer together as the Body of Christ.
God bless you as we stand together, unified in faith.
James